Lalala
05.17.2005 at 9:49 p.m.

Why do I feel so unforgiven?
Why do I feel like nothing?
Why do I feel like you'd just rather not listen to me?
Why do I feel so open and vulnerable to the world and it's ways?
Why do I feel like you've left me to walk alone?

Here I am before you now. Like a child I'm reaching out. Here I am I'm giving all I can. Breaking my pride I feel I'm through; shattered inside I run to you, and now I'm giving all I can.

Take my life.
Take my mind.
Take my soul.
Take my will, because I am yours and I give it all to you.

Maybe I'm being an Indian-giver. Maybe I gave it and took it back, but I give it to you again, God. You've restored me once, and you can do it again. Where is my hunger? My desire? My longing to be in your prescence? Me being in your prescence? When was the last time I did something worth mentioning? Why can't I feel a greater feeling of you than I used to? Why can't I hear your voice? Why can't I feel you there?

Why do I have to be like this? Why do I do these things to myself? I put myself in these situations without even realizing it. I once again feel that I'm roaming around in the desert with blinded eyes. Open them, God, please?

Putting all things aside I come to you now. Hold me, like I know You used to. I feel like I'm slipping away into the things I used to do, into the things I created that turned to disasters, into who I used to be. Save me. I know you pull me in the last minute, but I feel like I've fell beyond the last second already, and now I'm grasping the edge, crying out for you to save me, yet you look down and turn away. But now as I write these words I can feel the strength that you've given me being restored, and I pull myself back up with it.

I know where I'm supposed to be. I know how to get there. I am going to get there.

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"I am not going to apologize for speaking of the name of Jesus. If my friends have to become my enemies for me to be with my best friend, Jesus, then that's fine with me." - Rachel Joy Scott

I am blessed - 09.19.2005
A Letter - 09.13.2005
Diary rings - 09.13.2005
Cast - 09.13.2005
Returned? - 09.13.2005

Me

Erika. 18. Female. Blonde. Hilary Duff/Brittany Murphy look-a-like. Christian. On fire for Jesus. Singer. Worshiper who dances. Short. Barlow Girl. Pro-Life Activist. Prayer Warrior. Christ Crusader. A bit of a perfectionist. Sometimes speaks in an English accent without realizing it. Not your average girl. Won't be labeled as average. Etc.

<3's

God. Jesus. Church. Singing. Music. Dancing. Plumb.Jeremy Camp. 12 Stones. Kutless. Falling Up. Thousand Foot Krutch. FM Static. Company of a King. Starfield. Out of Eden. Newsboys. Rebecca St. James. Not By Sight. Lifehouse. Third Day. Casting Crowns. Avalon. Barlow Girl. Reliant K. Skillet. Hanson. Superchic[k]. Downhere. Forever Changed. The Julianna Theory. The Benjamin Gate. Seventh Day Slumber. Switchfoot. DC Talk. Watermark. Blindside. Hellogoodbye. Mae. Mourning September. Building 429. Disciple. Kids In The Way. Pillar. POD. Jason Upton. The Starting Line. Staple. Emery. Anberlin. Showbread. Krystal Meyers. Rachel Lampa. Ginny Owens. Sonicflood. Sarah Sadler. Karen Wheaton. ZOEGirl. Etc.

<3's

Organized religion. Judgemental people. Unneccessary drama and immaturity. Cursing. Immorality. A lot of rap. Etc.