• The life of a Pro-Life Activist. •

It isn't even 9:30 A.M, and God has already given me a lecture. I'm thinking my entry yesterday kind of made an opening for this.

I was driving home from taking Audra to work, and I was listening to the song "What if his people prayed?" by Casting Crowns. I guess if anyone listens to that song that they're kind of asking for an eye opener.

I was singing, driving down the road, and felt something say "This next verse is for you", and at the same time I felt myself going "No, the first verse is for you". What are going to learn towards in a situation like that? I did the only thing I was sure of, I got 'Erika' out of the way and listened to the second verse while singing it at the same time.

At that moment it was like my mind got very clear on this, and I could perfectly sense it. It was like the music just faded and all I could hear were the words, but not just the words; I finally caught the meaning of it.

"And what would happen if we prayed for this raised up to lead the way? Then maybe kids in school could pray, and unborn children see the light of day. What if the life that we pursue came from a hunger for the truth? What if the family turned to Jesus, and stopped asking Oprah what to do?"

School prayer, pro-life, family issues. It hit the nail on the head. It was for me.

At that moment God spoke to me and said, "You see my people have got it into their minds that My will be done, so praying about it does nothing. But how can something get accomplished if you do not ask?"

That is true. I've heard so many people say "Well, I don't think that God will let this happen", and then it does because faith without works is dead. You can't just speak them into existance without the assistance of the Father.

I'm so guilty and now I have to sit here and nark myself out. Like someone I love says "I wish I had stories to tell on you all", that way I wouldn't have to snitch myself out all of the time.

The point is, I'm guilty. I have a Bound For Life bracelet. I hate abortion, and yet when they sent me the bracelet I only read the prayer card once. Once. You're supposed to read it at least 5 times a day.

Everyone says that this diary - my diary touches them and inspires them in some way, but my question not to you all, but to myself would be that if they sat you in a room with a hundred Erika's, and had you talk to them all, would people be able to tell that I am me. Would anyone see a difference? Would there be a little something different to stand out? Would you see me living the words that people have spoken?

People say that image isn't everything, but it is. Not in the way you dress, not in the way your hair is or how much or less makeup you wear, but how you act and behave. I need to get Christ-like love, and I'm starting to. I'm starting to love everyone as he, no matter what they've done, I'm trying to put it behind me, because something as pety as words might hurt me on Earth, but I will not enter eternal bliss with God with built up bitterness because someone said this or that. It's not worth it.

Guilty as charged; I don't do what I feel. I don't pray enough. I don't talk with God enough. I never really hang out with Jesus, just him and I. One of the problems that I have is I look at God as this Supernatural creator, and forget to look at the close personal father/daughter relationship that I'm supposed to have with him. I still some times have to remind myself that God loves me, created me to fellowship with him, and isn't watching me from a distance to punish me. He's not watching from any distance, he's living inside of me, and he's not here to punish me, I'm here because he loved me enough to make me.

God showed me that one persons actions begins a chain reaction, so if I get my act together who knows what can happen? But if we get our acts together, imagine what WILL happen. I've said this before, and I've failed in it, but now I know I have to be serious. I have to pray a lot more. I have to praise a lot more. I have to worship a lot more. I have to read the word a lot more. I have to do a lot more, period.

God, please forgive me for handing my cross back over to you so many times before. Forgive me for playing on the sidelines when I should of been walking down the path you've set for me. Forgive me for everything that I haven't done that is in the way you would have done it.

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"I am not going to apologize for speaking of the name of Jesus. If my friends have to become my enemies for me to be with my best friend, Jesus, then that's fine with me." - Rachel Joy Scott

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Returned? - 09.13.2005